Open Marriage

There's an article in today's Jakarta Post on open marriage in Jakarta.  This is triggered by the recent sex video scandal of two celebrities. The fact that the woman is married rocks Jakarta's double standard moral views.

Open marriage arrangement is said to be an increasing trend in cosmopolitan Jakarta. It allows married couple the choice to have sexual relationships with others while still staying married. Advocates claim this adds spice to the marriage and allows them to stay closer as a couple. This sounds like polygamy wrapped around a new twist.

Open marriage is a choice in life and with every choice comes consequences. If it takes having to attract another man sexually to makes us women feel good about ourselves, we've gone backward with women emancipation.

I am a far cry from being a marriage expert but I am sure most women saying yes to marriage hope for a intimate relationship built on love, trust and respect.  And I am skeptical open marriage arrangements will in anyway contribute to a sustainable committed marriage.

My weekend

On the weekend I am exhausted. I know compared to working moms in other parts of the world who hold a full-time job and no help at home, I shouldn't complain.  I am fortunate to be living in this part of the world where domestic helpers are affordable and available.  However I am still exhausted after working 10 to 11 hours and bracing at least two hours of traffic commuting to work five days a week.

All I want to do on the weekend is to take it easy.  It means a jog in the neighborhood, yoga, nice relaxing meals with the family, movie in the neighborhood cinema, long warm bath, lazing in bed over a book, writing on my blog and anything that doesn't require commuting and commitment.  It means no malls, arcades and any place crowded with overly eager parents trying to please their kids.  Sometimes I wonder if that makes me a bad mom for not packing the weekend with activities for the kids. But I would much rather we chill at home over books/movies, have meals together and just be with each other in one way or another instead of rushing through stuff to do.

I have become anti-social on the weekends, avoiding any big social commitments as I am least keen having to make small talk on the weekends.  I simply want to let down my hair, chuck that power suits and put on something comfortable, kick aside my killer heels and rest my feet on the flip-flops.

I do question if it is a social suicide when I choose to decline the invites. But I've learned that I have to first take care of myself before I can take care of my loved ones. For those who don't see eye-to-eye in how I choose to spend my weekends, I really don't care what you think. For those friends who are offended by my decline in social invites, perhaps we can compromise and meet on weeknight when I am available? It doesn't mean I don't care about you my friends, it simply means I am learning to love myself.

Looking good

A Indonesian socialite is in coma in a clinic in Thailand due to liposuction.  I've seen her pictures on Tatler magazine and she is not in anyway chubby.  The themes in Hollywood on women past 40's seem to be about women's neurotic fear of aging and desperate attempt to look good.

To be fair, it's not only the celebrities and socialite who desperately want to cling to their prime look. My friend who's a banker was sharing her horror of finding stretch mark on her thighs and her gravitating eye bags.  And yes, she did contemplate going under a quick fix to remove those extra bags.

I have on many occasions covet for a pair of firm (and well-endowed) ones to replace my sagging (note sagging and not exactly saggy).

It's the fear of pain and consequences of a surgery that stop me from running off to Singapore or Thailand for a quick fix.  But deep inside I question whether I will be happy after enhancing my looks or will I keep want more fixes to keep me happy. As George Lopez advocates, be who you are.  I am trying to find peace with how I look and the fact that I age just like everyone else does.  If it's something I can't avoid, is it worth losing sleepless nights and thousands of dollars?

That doesn't mean I won't make the best to slow down the aging process.  I'm still into night creams, eye creams, sun blocks, facial massages and all those nice stuff I pamper myself with.  I am also learning to treat my body better with ample rest, the right diet (with occasional strays) and regular exercise. I've found that yoga helps to keep me in shape and happy.  And we can't deny happiness is the best antidote to a youthful look.

So for all the women out there, stay happy and youthful.

Purpose of life

Read somewhere that purpose of life is up to us to determine. Instead of searching for meaning of life, we decide what we want from life. This is another revelation for me as I've been waiting to be enlightened on the meaning of life since I was in my teens.

Question now is what do I want from life?  I do know life is not all about work yet I find myself sucked into the highs and lows of my job.  I know life is about family, friends and loved ones yet I don't make enough time for them.

Let me start today by touching the heart of someone I love and bringing a smile to a stranger.

Maybe that is my purpose in life; a simple and humble act to bring kindness and love to those who cross my path.

Happiness

Not sure if it's me going through a stage searching for meaning in life or there is now a lot of hype on search for happiness.  Is it the financial crisis forcing people to re-evaluate priorities or simply generation X-ers like me hitting mid-life?

Is happiness a feeling? Or can one choose to be happy? Someone once said you can be contented without being happy.  Is not being unhappy enough?

Still in search for the right formula...