Thursday, April 22, 2010

Death and Alive

When I am busy and exhausted (which tend to be related), I become a zombie. I have no recollection of any events that occur outside work.  No idea of how I get to work (too busy typing over my blackberry) and how I get home (usually end up sleeping in the car after a long day).  I eat at my desk and can't be bothered making lunch appointments; socializing becomes a chore. I lost track of what I eat, chomping down four cookies in one go. I become forgetful; overlooking my kid's doctor appointment.  I don't make an effort to be nice to people. I snap easily. 

As I pack for my business trip for tomorrow, the irrational fear of flying strikes me again. I guess I fear death for the reason death is unknown and also because of many unfulfilled dreams; I want see my kids grow up, write a novel (which I've not even started), see places, retire by the beach, reunite with old friends  I've neglected, continue painting, learn to take good photographs, may be teach.

Why does it take death to make me reflect on my life? I guess often I'm numbed by the daily routine and it takes the fear of death to bring me alive.

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