Dare I call myself a yogini?

The term yogi (male) or yogini (female) is used to describe someone who practices yoga. Wikipedia describes yogi as " practitioner of various forms of spiritual practice".

I am rather cautious in calling myself a yogi or yogini.  After all, I started as a woman who can't touch her toes and is now taking baby-steps towards yoga practice.  I've looked at the blogs of many yogi/yogini and have been impressed with the years of experience they have under their belts or should I say on their mats.  Many have learned under well-know gurus or at least been to Mysore, the Mecca of yoga. Two years of Bikram yoga class does not qualify me to be in the same league as some of those yogi/yogini.

Yoga can be a rather intimidating experience for beginners.  I recalled how confused I was when I first decided to check out a yoga class.  They sound like foreign language to me (even reading through the descriptions of the classes do nothing to help me in understanding the different schools of yoga).

I signed up for Bikram yoga since the studio was most convenient to where I live and ended up liking it.  It probably has to do with the fact that the first few teachers I've had impressed me.  Omar was one of the first teachers I've had and he exudes the yoga spirit.  He was working in the IT industry before he decided to teach yoga full time.  This is not a guy who is a high school drop-out who has no idea what he wants to do in life and ended up as a yoga teacher.  This is a guy who decided to put aside what he had to pursue his dream or calling.  He shares his story of being a vegan, another true reflection of his calling.  This is definitely someone who practices what he preaches.

I suppose you can call yourself yogi/yogini when you truly exudes the yoga spirit, when yoga is not a badge you flaunt on your sleeve but a way how you lead your life. A true yogi/yogini is compassionate.

My yoga practice

I suddenly have the urge to want to do handstand.  That's coming from someone who could not touch her toes two years ago.

Walked into my first Bikram class not knowing what to expect and was hooked since then. It started with falling in love with the experience of shutting down the mind and focusing on my breathing for 90 minutes. Nothing else in the world matters other than just breathing, following the teacher's instruction and staying in the heated room. It was the only time I calm my mind.

There are still many postures in my Bikram practice I am struggling with. On some days, I cannot even manage the basic ones. Weird as it may sound, some postures that started quite easy grew difficult.  I recalled how I used to fear back-bend. I was scared. It was until one of the teachers who told me that back-bend is all about receiving love that I finally mustered the courage to give it a try. And the initial months of my attempt to do back-bend made me nausea.

Some days, I beat up myself for not perfecting many of the poses. Then I recalled how I started, a woman who could not even touch her toes. I have improved a lot since then. Instead of being too hard on myself, I simply have to practice and continue to believe in myself. Someday, I am sure I can do the handstand.

Women and hobby

Over lunch, a friend of mine laments that she does not have any hobby. Aside from juggling a banking career and a family with 3 young kids, she doesn't have time to cultivate a hobby. Unlike most women I know, men however seem to have time for golf, biking, running, playing futsel, playing badminton and the recent fad of riding a Harley cladded in leather.

I am not here to blast men. Instead I would like to encourage women to learn from them. Men have no qualm demanding time for themselves.  They act like it's their birth-right to have time to do what is fun. Women on the other hand feel guilty finding time for ourselves.  Like my friends, most of us who manage a career and family barely have time. And we succumb ourselves to accepting that our own needs are less important than the needs of others around us.  We give and give, not knowing we are depleted. We get more serious as we take on more responsibilities life thrust our direction. We forget to have fun.

It's time for us to carve time to do what we enjoy, what makes us happy. Think through what you really like to do when you were a kid. What magazines and articles catch your attention?  Take classes that are outside your comfort zone. Be open to invitation from friends to join them for workshops and events.

Several years ago after my second child was born, I was also trapped in a situation where I don't have any hobby aside from bed-time reading. I was not particularly passionate about any interest and I am not one of those lucky fews blessed with talent.  I've since then embarked on a joyful journey searching for my interests.

- Painting

I signed up for a basic painting class and spent many Saturday mornings playing with paint.  Realized I am not Picasso but it was nonetheless fun playing with paint and seeing the canvas filled with my creation.  I've stopped the class but I've since learned to appreciate paintings more.

Hadiparana Art Centre (+6221 7196354) in Kemang offers several art classes. (http://www.hadiprana-artcentre.com/about-us.html)

- Scuba Diving

A few young colleagues invited me to join their scuba diving class. I've always loved the ocean and scuba diving lesson was inviting. We took the class and went for the PADI certification at the islands near Jakarta. Build some great friendship from the lessons we shared. I've since then went diving in Bali a few times and loved the serenity and beauty of the deep ocean. 

Bali Scuba (+6236 1288610) offers PADI certified classes and organize diving trips in and around Bali. (http://www.baliscuba.com/)

- Golf

I picked up golf for practical reason it is good for networking. There are many driving ranges and many golf instructors that give golf lessons;  you can find certified instructors who are pricey and also those who teaches based on experience but have no certification. It depends on how much you are willing to spend and how serious you are in perfecting this sports. Ultimately, it comes down to practice, practice and practice. I've not caught on the golf bug and now only play once or twice a year.  Check out the many golf academies in town or simply go to one of the driving ranges and you will find instructors that suit you.

- Yoga

I was trying to find ways to unwind. After a long day, I used to feel physically exhausted but my mind was still running amok. Walked into Bikram Yoga class one day and it transformed me. I've since then sleep through the nights like a baby, learn to breathe better, have better posture and can actually now touch my toes. Flexibility has definitely improved. I now look forward to sweating the whole week's of stress and toxic in my weekend classes. 

Yoga at 42 (+6221 7197379) offers hot yoga classes conducted by certified instructors. They also offer ashtanga yoga and several other yoga classes. (http://www.bikramyogajakarta.com/home.html)

- Running

This is the easiest and cheapest pastime I've picked up.  Started running after I signed up for the 10K run in the annual Singapore Marathon and was addicted to running since then. For me, running is therapeutic. To just let go, and run. To feel the breeze and the sun. 

If you would like to join a serious running group, check out Jakarta Spirit. (http://www.jakartafreespirit.org/). 

- Writing

It is now so easy to write. Facebook is a good media. Or check out Twitter which allows you to share your thoughts, observations and anything interesting. Did I mention you can shed your inhibition since you can be anonymous on Twitter?

There are so many activities we can pick up and I am sure everyone's interest is different. What is important is to do what is fun. To bring some joy and laughter into our lives. Let's not find excuse and let's enjoy life.

Bikram yoga teacher training

Jen, our teacher was sharing her experience of the Bikram teacher training, after class today.  If 90 min in class sounds tough, two sessions a day in addition to the lectures for five days a week plus one class on Saturday for nine weeks seem impossible.  Apparently, more than 300 people took the last teacher training in Las Vegas with less than 10 drop-outs.  A woman who is diagnosed with cancer completed the training. That is what I call commitment.

Amateurs like us have a choice whether we want to go for class.  In the teacher training, it is no longer a choice as you are expected to walk into class whether you feel like it or not.  As Jen puts it "you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable ".  It is about dedication and believing you can do it.

So often, we give up when we face adversity in life.  We seek the easy way out, we quit.  One valuable lesson I learn today is when the going gets tough, we just have to grit our teeth and continue.  What doesn't break us makes us stronger.  And yes, we are stronger than we think.

Instant Gratification

Nowadays, everything has to be instant; instant noodle, instant coffee, instant soup, even instant rice. We are all running short of time and patience.  

I've started bikram yoga a year ago. The main motivation then was to find peace within myself.  I was struggling in my career and was having trouble relaxing.  Gym and my running couldn't give me the "escape" I was yearning for.  Walked into my 1st bikram yoga class not knowing what to expect. If I had known I would be sweating, panting and suffocating for 90 minutes in a class with 39 degrees heat, I might not have signed up for the class.  I was looking for meditation to calm my mind and I got more than that.

Getting critical of myself recently with voices in my head telling me that I'm not making progress even though I've been doing yoga for a year.  I compare myself to the ladies next to me in class and they look slimmer and fitter than me.  My tummy is visibly flabby after 2 kids and my youngest is already eight years old! I still can't do all the postures in perfection. There are days I can't even manage the basic ones.

Then I realize I am falling into the trap of expecting instant gratification.  Many of the yogis have been doing yoga for years and many come almost daily whereas I can only manage the weekend classes.  Although I've not lost weight, I feel healthier. I have better postures; fewer backaches and shoulder aches.  I sleep better and I learn to breathe better.  I used to have shorter breaths and tend to hold my breath when I am stressed out.  Now I am more conscious of my breaths and I am more aware of how my body reacts to stressful situations.  I wake up more refreshed after sleeping through the night like a baby.

Somethings changed inside me since I started yoga.  I suppose as I learn to let go in class, I am learning to let go in life.  As I learn to relax in class with each postures, I am learning to relax in life.  As I learn to focus in class, I am learning to stay more focused in every moment of life.  I learn to accept that although I don't have the perfect posture, as long I give my best effort, I deserve to pat myself on the back.  In life, I learn to be kind and forgiving to myself.

Next time in class, I will smile at myself in the mirror and tell myself that it all takes time.

Yoga

It made me chuckle whenever we complain in the locker about how unbearably hot the class was.  We willingly sign up and brace Jakarta traffic to come to class knowing that we would be doing yoga for 90 minutes in a heated room.  Yet, we still find most classes too hot.  We are like Goldilocks, the temperature never quite suit our liking.

Benchmark of a "good" a class is the frequency the teacher turns on the fan, opens the window and the best treat of course is when she opens the door letting in a gush of cool air which feels heavenly.

Along with one of the postures today, the teacher said "don't anticipate, be present".  This is so true.  We often anticipate the teacher opening the door and and when she doesn't, we feel frustrated.  In addition to the real heat in the room, I swore I could feel my heart racing when she walked to door, held on the door-knob yet did not open the door!

We often forget that there is more to yoga than just losing weight (though the losing weight part is great).   It's about listening to our teacher, listening to our body.  It's about staying focused and meditating.  It's about union of the mind and body.

Let's enjoy the heat, let go, be present and breathe.

Yoga and Change

It's been a year since I started Bikram Yoga. There are some postures I can now do that I didn't even dare attempt then. Back-bend for one gave me so much fear when I started, I convinced myself I couldn't do it. On days I was brave enough to go half-way, it triggered intense sensation of nausea. Now, back-bend is one of my favorite postures. I love how relaxing my back feels afterwards.

My body reacts differently to the 26 postures on different days. There are certain days even the simplest postures feel extremely tough. I've now learn to accept that each class is different. As long as I try my best in each posture, I do not have to beat up myself for not having the perfect posture. Instead of resisting, I have learned to accept the changes my body and mind go through.

Each class is different due to the energy generated from the students and teacher. It's easy to get accustomed a particular teacher but we improve better under several teachers who fine-tune us differently. And each teacher with his/her personality brings different energy to the class.

Yoga teaches me to accept change and flow along like a river instead of fighting something which is inevitable. As Confucius said "They must constant change, who would be constant in happiness and wisdom".