Women and hobby

Over lunch, a friend of mine laments that she does not have any hobby. Aside from juggling a banking career and a family with 3 young kids, she doesn't have time to cultivate a hobby. Unlike most women I know, men however seem to have time for golf, biking, running, playing futsel, playing badminton and the recent fad of riding a Harley cladded in leather.

I am not here to blast men. Instead I would like to encourage women to learn from them. Men have no qualm demanding time for themselves.  They act like it's their birth-right to have time to do what is fun. Women on the other hand feel guilty finding time for ourselves.  Like my friends, most of us who manage a career and family barely have time. And we succumb ourselves to accepting that our own needs are less important than the needs of others around us.  We give and give, not knowing we are depleted. We get more serious as we take on more responsibilities life thrust our direction. We forget to have fun.

It's time for us to carve time to do what we enjoy, what makes us happy. Think through what you really like to do when you were a kid. What magazines and articles catch your attention?  Take classes that are outside your comfort zone. Be open to invitation from friends to join them for workshops and events.

Several years ago after my second child was born, I was also trapped in a situation where I don't have any hobby aside from bed-time reading. I was not particularly passionate about any interest and I am not one of those lucky fews blessed with talent.  I've since then embarked on a joyful journey searching for my interests.

- Painting

I signed up for a basic painting class and spent many Saturday mornings playing with paint.  Realized I am not Picasso but it was nonetheless fun playing with paint and seeing the canvas filled with my creation.  I've stopped the class but I've since learned to appreciate paintings more.

Hadiparana Art Centre (+6221 7196354) in Kemang offers several art classes. (http://www.hadiprana-artcentre.com/about-us.html)

- Scuba Diving

A few young colleagues invited me to join their scuba diving class. I've always loved the ocean and scuba diving lesson was inviting. We took the class and went for the PADI certification at the islands near Jakarta. Build some great friendship from the lessons we shared. I've since then went diving in Bali a few times and loved the serenity and beauty of the deep ocean. 

Bali Scuba (+6236 1288610) offers PADI certified classes and organize diving trips in and around Bali. (http://www.baliscuba.com/)

- Golf

I picked up golf for practical reason it is good for networking. There are many driving ranges and many golf instructors that give golf lessons;  you can find certified instructors who are pricey and also those who teaches based on experience but have no certification. It depends on how much you are willing to spend and how serious you are in perfecting this sports. Ultimately, it comes down to practice, practice and practice. I've not caught on the golf bug and now only play once or twice a year.  Check out the many golf academies in town or simply go to one of the driving ranges and you will find instructors that suit you.

- Yoga

I was trying to find ways to unwind. After a long day, I used to feel physically exhausted but my mind was still running amok. Walked into Bikram Yoga class one day and it transformed me. I've since then sleep through the nights like a baby, learn to breathe better, have better posture and can actually now touch my toes. Flexibility has definitely improved. I now look forward to sweating the whole week's of stress and toxic in my weekend classes. 

Yoga at 42 (+6221 7197379) offers hot yoga classes conducted by certified instructors. They also offer ashtanga yoga and several other yoga classes. (http://www.bikramyogajakarta.com/home.html)

- Running

This is the easiest and cheapest pastime I've picked up.  Started running after I signed up for the 10K run in the annual Singapore Marathon and was addicted to running since then. For me, running is therapeutic. To just let go, and run. To feel the breeze and the sun. 

If you would like to join a serious running group, check out Jakarta Spirit. (http://www.jakartafreespirit.org/). 

- Writing

It is now so easy to write. Facebook is a good media. Or check out Twitter which allows you to share your thoughts, observations and anything interesting. Did I mention you can shed your inhibition since you can be anonymous on Twitter?

There are so many activities we can pick up and I am sure everyone's interest is different. What is important is to do what is fun. To bring some joy and laughter into our lives. Let's not find excuse and let's enjoy life.

Open Marriage

There's an article in today's Jakarta Post on open marriage in Jakarta.  This is triggered by the recent sex video scandal of two celebrities. The fact that the woman is married rocks Jakarta's double standard moral views.

Open marriage arrangement is said to be an increasing trend in cosmopolitan Jakarta. It allows married couple the choice to have sexual relationships with others while still staying married. Advocates claim this adds spice to the marriage and allows them to stay closer as a couple. This sounds like polygamy wrapped around a new twist.

Open marriage is a choice in life and with every choice comes consequences. If it takes having to attract another man sexually to makes us women feel good about ourselves, we've gone backward with women emancipation.

I am a far cry from being a marriage expert but I am sure most women saying yes to marriage hope for a intimate relationship built on love, trust and respect.  And I am skeptical open marriage arrangements will in anyway contribute to a sustainable committed marriage.

More thoughts on beauty

Can't resist sharing what I just read.  Pigeon dropping or bull semen for your hair, snake venom to rub on your face for botox effect, nightingale poop on your face and the list goes on.

I myself have spent days contemplating whether to go for "natural" hena color or to go natural with streaks of grey.   Shall I look wise with some grey (which helps to appear senior at my work place but I certainly do not want to look older than my age!)?  Or shall I try to look younger by hiding my grey?

Recently spent a couple of hundreds on a jar of La Mer which I used very sparingly.  Not sure if the cream does its trick but my face seems smoother the next morning.  Perhaps with the money I spent, I want to believe it works.  I'm not a beauty snob, have also resorted to using olive oil on my hair to skim on the saloon treatment (given I've overspent on that jar of cream).

Gotta run, have made an appointment for my hena colour.  I believe beauty comes from within but any help to look beautiful is helpful (skip the radical semen, poop and venom treatment).

"I like who I am as a person. And because I believe that there's much more to me than my looks, other people believe it too."
—Felicia P. Fields

Doing something fun

Wanted to do something fun.  Yet, can't think of anything that fun I really want to do.

I am quite happy with simple life of yoga, reading and chilling out with the kids after work.  Enjoy nice lunch once in a while with a few girlfriends to laugh over silly jokes and share heartfelt concerns.  Like to keep my weekend non-commital with as few engagements as possible.  For me, a great weekend starts with yoga, lunches with parents and sister, more reading, writing and self-reflection.  Weekend highlight for the kids is trip to the bookstore and grocery shopping (where they get to buy snacks) with occasional movies.  Even just sitting at the driving range watching my son practice his golf on Sunday evening is something I enjoy.

I love to travel.  Aside from my simple life, perhaps this is one highlight that can be considered fun.  Love seeing new places, learning new culture, trying new food, soaking up the local ambiance.  Look forward to taking the kids to Hanoi in spring break; taking the rickshaw around Old Quarter, coffee at the French Quarter, strolling along the lake, ice cream at Metropole.

So as you see, attempt to have fun can be quite frustrating.  I've given up trying too hard to have fun.  As long I enjoy what I am doing, I'm doing fine.

Diversity at work

Diversity spans across gender.  Being a career woman and a working mom, I would however like to share my observation on this topic close to my heart.  In Asia, many industries are relatively dominated by men and hence drive a macho culture within the organization.  Senior management networked over drinks and golfs where women are inclined not to join.  Women in senior management position struggle to be part of the pact.  

The absence of back-slapping camaraderie may result in women being side-lined in important decisions and promotion.  Most women I speak to feel they have to work harder to be where they are.  And there are enough studies to show women make less than their peer holding the same positions.    The challenge for women is whether to conform to the macho culture and start acting tough; playing by the boy's rules or risk letting our femininity discount our capability?  

With half of the world's population women and with more women graduating college, we cannot afford to ignore this talent pool.  As we try to build a sustainable business, we need to tap and retain the women in the work force.  Women tend to bring in a different approach to management.  It will benefit organizations to embrace the difference.   

I am an ardent believer that everyone should be credited for their merits. Women want to be promoted because we deserve it and not because of diversity.  And I've seen enough examples of women compensate for the lack of social networking within their organizations by working harder. 

How can an organization attract and retain female employees?  For a start, senior management of the organization has to walk the walk.  Diversity cannot simply be a marketing gimmick we flaunt.  It takes a cultural change to learn to accept and respect the female counter-parts at work.  It means sexiest jokes are no longer acceptable, networking has to be more inclusive and more conscious decisions on changes to be made.  It means supporting our female employees through their different stages in life.  Many women leave the work force because they are frowned upon for ensuring their family especially young kids are adequately taken care for without compromising on their work.

Organizations with the the right frame-work to support women through their different stages in life help attract and retain female employees.  A nursing room, flexible working hour (this may not be suitable for all jobs), and work from home (which can be most helpful in most traffic congested cities in Asia) are examples of some initiatives already implemented by several organizations.  

Some skeptics question whether all these are good for business.  I've seen lower turn-over at organization that makes serious effort on diversity.  I rest my case and long hail to some of the organizations in Indonesia I personally know which are advocates of diversity; Unilever and Standard Chartered Bank.  May the others learn form the best in class.

Aging

Woke up and stared at yourself in the mirror suddenly realizing the wrinkles around your eyes and mouth?  Breasts sagging, stretch mark becoming more visible, tummy flabbier (despite desperate sit-ups), loose skin around the neck and alarming growth of grey hair?  These aging signs are unavoidable and causes certain amount of anxiety among most women.

Thank goodness for all the creams that promise youth; night cream, eye cream, neck cream, exfoliating scrub and with any imaginable ingredients; gold, pearl, AHA, seaweed, sugar and even placenta (recalled reading about it).  We sign up for gym and huff and puff our way through classes (which by the way is no longer called aerobics, they are now Body Pump, Body Combat etc).  We may even go for a wardrobe make-over, squeezing ourselves into clothes that we think will make us look younger (this explains why many mothers and their teenage daughters wear outfits that look alike).  

We struggle with the new technology trying to catch up with internet; blackberry, iphone, twitter and  facebook.  We need a dictionary to understand the latest acronym; lol (laugh out loud), omw (on my way), omg (oh my god) etc.  We go clubbing (not disco) to appear young even though we don't recognize any of the songs played.

Despite self-deprecating, I welcome the experiences life has taught me.  Most of us are more at ease with ourselves than we were in our 20's.  We are more secure about who we are.  We know what we want in life and are more confident to demand from life.  We have learned that we can't love others unless we first learn to love ourselves and we can't treat others right if we don't first take care of ourselves.  We realize we can't please everyone and has cut-off toxic people from our lives.

Our inner selves are more beautiful.  This is what aging gracefully is all about.

Be thankful

Be thankful.   Easy concept yet often forgotten.

How can you not smile when you are thankful for the sun that never fails to rise everyday?  I feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the glow it casts over my surrounding this morning.  Nothing has changed just me feeling thankful for something I’ve taken for granted.

There’s no way to describe the fragrance of the flower picked from my neighbor’s garden.  Simple white flowers with small petals that exude the most enticing sweetness.

The vendors that push their carts of fresh grocery add a vibrant vibe to the neighborhood.   The carts overflowed with a variety of vegetables, fruits and spices.  Thankful for the convenience they bring forth.

Thankful for the domestic staff and drivers who ensure my life run smoothly.  My maids who never fail to make me my kopi trubuk every morning and let me come home to a house all cleaned and tidied with warm dinner waiting.  My driver who tackles the crazy traffic and make sure I get to my destination safe and sound, giving me the time to write, rest and catch up on work in the car. 

As I looked back in my life, I’ve been most fortunate to have all those people who make my life special in their own ways.

The baby-sitters who helped me with my kids since they were babies.  Without them and my mother-in-law, I won’t have managed my career.  Colleagues who in their small ways helped me ease into my work and who never fail to extend a helping hand when I needed them.  Bosses who believed in me and supported me.  Friends whose shoulders are drenched with my tears but who never fail to offer their listening ears whenever I needed them.  My parents who love me unconditionally.  My kids who teach me what it means to love.  My sis who shares my past and who will blindly stand by me while offering her does of honesty.

The list goes on and I know I am not doing justice to many others who have touched my life in their own ways.  I promise I will write about you at a later day.  For now, my most sincere thank you to everyone who touched my life in your special ways.