Valentine's

Photo credit of tungphoto's portfolio http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1708


Valentine's round the corner. In the States, this would be celebrated with flowers, chocolates, candle light diners and hallmark cards (at least ten years ago before the internet age hallmark cards are a must to express your love).  


I do not recall when was the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day. Do I miss celebrating this special day? I suppose I miss receiving flowers, chocolates and tender loving words. I think I miss being made to feel special.


Then it occurred to me I am doomed for disappointments if I am waiting for other people to make me feel special.  I am special for who I am and I do not need endorsements from others.  I am special in my own quirky ways and there are people out there who love me for all my imperfections. For those people, I am thankful.


On this special day, I am going to take the chance to tell people I love how special they are.  I hope in doing so I can touch the heart of just one person and make that person believe in himself. Life is full of hope only when you believe in yourself.

Aging

Woke up and stared at yourself in the mirror suddenly realizing the wrinkles around your eyes and mouth?  Breasts sagging, stretch mark becoming more visible, tummy flabbier (despite desperate sit-ups), loose skin around the neck and alarming growth of grey hair?  These aging signs are unavoidable and causes certain amount of anxiety among most women.

Thank goodness for all the creams that promise youth; night cream, eye cream, neck cream, exfoliating scrub and with any imaginable ingredients; gold, pearl, AHA, seaweed, sugar and even placenta (recalled reading about it).  We sign up for gym and huff and puff our way through classes (which by the way is no longer called aerobics, they are now Body Pump, Body Combat etc).  We may even go for a wardrobe make-over, squeezing ourselves into clothes that we think will make us look younger (this explains why many mothers and their teenage daughters wear outfits that look alike).  

We struggle with the new technology trying to catch up with internet; blackberry, iphone, twitter and  facebook.  We need a dictionary to understand the latest acronym; lol (laugh out loud), omw (on my way), omg (oh my god) etc.  We go clubbing (not disco) to appear young even though we don't recognize any of the songs played.

Despite self-deprecating, I welcome the experiences life has taught me.  Most of us are more at ease with ourselves than we were in our 20's.  We are more secure about who we are.  We know what we want in life and are more confident to demand from life.  We have learned that we can't love others unless we first learn to love ourselves and we can't treat others right if we don't first take care of ourselves.  We realize we can't please everyone and has cut-off toxic people from our lives.

Our inner selves are more beautiful.  This is what aging gracefully is all about.

Listening

It just struck me yesterday at yoga class how bad I am with listening.  I hear but don't listen.  There is no other sound in class to distract me other than the teacher giving out instructions and yet I fail to listen.   My mind drifts away.  There I am trying to do my poses with my mind going havoc on me.  I read somewhere that an untrained mind is line a wild horse trying to flee in all directions.  That was exactly how my mind behaved yesterday in class.  Work, things to do, people all flocked into my mind randomly.   Breathing and listening to your breath helps tame the mind.

Yoga is about listening to your body.  Letting go of what your mind tells your body what it can or cannot do.  One of my most challenging poses is camel which is a deep back-bend from a kneeled down position.  It took many months and classes for my body to convince my mind that it is alright to attempt that pose.  When I was told that that pose is about receiving love, it struck me that I do have issues in receiving love.  I've unconsciously felt that I need to work at being loved, I need to put in the effort in any relationship in order for the other person to love me.  And when I don't feel love, I work harder to gain back the love.  When I don't feel love, I may even blame myself for not making it work.

Now I am working to be at peace with myself.  I realize I first have to love and accept myself.  Only then can I love and accept others.  I cannot expect others to love and accept me and I've to learn to let go of that expectation.

It's still a journey towards self-love and self-acceptance but it's a journey I've committed myself to embark.