Death and Alive

When I am busy and exhausted (which tend to be related), I become a zombie. I have no recollection of any events that occur outside work.  No idea of how I get to work (too busy typing over my blackberry) and how I get home (usually end up sleeping in the car after a long day).  I eat at my desk and can't be bothered making lunch appointments; socializing becomes a chore. I lost track of what I eat, chomping down four cookies in one go. I become forgetful; overlooking my kid's doctor appointment.  I don't make an effort to be nice to people. I snap easily. 

As I pack for my business trip for tomorrow, the irrational fear of flying strikes me again. I guess I fear death for the reason death is unknown and also because of many unfulfilled dreams; I want see my kids grow up, write a novel (which I've not even started), see places, retire by the beach, reunite with old friends  I've neglected, continue painting, learn to take good photographs, may be teach.

Why does it take death to make me reflect on my life? I guess often I'm numbed by the daily routine and it takes the fear of death to bring me alive.

My eulogy

What happened to people when they die?  We all ultimately die but what exactly happened when we die?  As I am confronted by deaths of people close to me, this question has been bugging me.  Or should I say I’m confronted by my own mortality.

I won't attempt to address a question I don't have the answer.   Recalled going for 7 Habits training many years ago.  As part of the exercise, we were asked to spend quiet moment thinking about what we want people to remember us when we pass away.  What do we want those close to us to say for our eulogy? 

It was exactly a life-changing exercise but it was an epiphany.   Although I no longer keep the piece of written exercise, I am sure what I wanted then remains.  Basically I want my eulogy to read as such:

• She’s been a wonderful person who embraces life whole-heartedly and brings out the best in people.
• She’s kind, generous and loving to people indiscriminately.
• She’s loves her kids unconditionally and nurtured them to be loving, kind, considerate, responsible and independent individuals.
• She’s a great friend willing to lend a helping hand and shoulder to cry on.
• She had picked herself up, brushed off the dust, licked her wounds, learned from the experiences life has handed her and moved on wiser and stronger.
• She’s not perfect but she’s true to herself and others.

I realize I still have a lot of work to do.  Knowing I’m not immortal, there’s really no excuse not to get started.  Time is ticking away.