Tuesday, February 16, 2010


What is considered infidelity?  In modern times, this ranges from physical affair to emotional affair to internet affair.  Many may argue one form of cheating is less damaging than the other but no one can dispute someone in the relationship gets hurt.  The damage is done.

I can never forget the chill that ran through my body and being overwhelmed with nausea when I am confronted with infidelity.  No woman walking down the aisle ever imagined that she will be faced with that harsh reality.

There are many reasons and excuses for cheating and it's not for me to judge.  What I want to share is simply a few survival tips on how to get back on your two feet.  First and foremost is to take your mind off the affair.  Stop trying to dig into the affair and stop blaming yourself.  It's easy to fall prey to blaming ourselves for not keeping our spouse.  At the early stage, keeping your sanity is the most important.  As much as you are tempted, do not ever confront the other woman.  You will not achieve anything, the chance of her ending the affair out of sympathy and morale ethics is close to nil.  Surround yourselves with family and friends who love you and support you.  You need all the shoulders to cry on.

After nights of crying, it's time to move on.  Take stock of your dreams and wish-lists.  You've always wanted to be a painter but was busy running the family.  Now is the time to take a painting class.  You've always wanted to travel.  Grab your best friend for a weekend trip.  Even better, go traveling on your own.  You don't know what you want, now is the time to experience life. Volunteer for charity; helping others put one in a mood of gratitude.  Sign up for a language class.  Learn to cook.   Even working long hour to finish that projects at work seems an attractive option at this stage.

In essence, be yourself instead of desperately clinging to your identity as a wife.  You are you before you are a wife.

For those with kids, it's important to prioritize the kids during this turbulent moment.  Kids should not be caught at the cross-road between the parents.  Unless the father is abusive, I do not condone keeping the kids away from the father.

I know what I've shared may sound too easy.   You are stronger and more resilient than you think you are.  As they teach in yoga,  let it go.  Let go of you anger and resentment.  Learn to love yourself as you heal.  You cannot experience love if you don't feel love for yourself.


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