Listening

It just struck me yesterday at yoga class how bad I am with listening.  I hear but don't listen.  There is no other sound in class to distract me other than the teacher giving out instructions and yet I fail to listen.   My mind drifts away.  There I am trying to do my poses with my mind going havoc on me.  I read somewhere that an untrained mind is line a wild horse trying to flee in all directions.  That was exactly how my mind behaved yesterday in class.  Work, things to do, people all flocked into my mind randomly.   Breathing and listening to your breath helps tame the mind.

Yoga is about listening to your body.  Letting go of what your mind tells your body what it can or cannot do.  One of my most challenging poses is camel which is a deep back-bend from a kneeled down position.  It took many months and classes for my body to convince my mind that it is alright to attempt that pose.  When I was told that that pose is about receiving love, it struck me that I do have issues in receiving love.  I've unconsciously felt that I need to work at being loved, I need to put in the effort in any relationship in order for the other person to love me.  And when I don't feel love, I work harder to gain back the love.  When I don't feel love, I may even blame myself for not making it work.

Now I am working to be at peace with myself.  I realize I first have to love and accept myself.  Only then can I love and accept others.  I cannot expect others to love and accept me and I've to learn to let go of that expectation.

It's still a journey towards self-love and self-acceptance but it's a journey I've committed myself to embark.