Sunday, March 21, 2010

Instant Gratification

Nowadays, everything has to be instant; instant noodle, instant coffee, instant soup, even instant rice. We are all running short of time and patience.  

I've started bikram yoga a year ago. The main motivation then was to find peace within myself.  I was struggling in my career and was having trouble relaxing.  Gym and my running couldn't give me the "escape" I was yearning for.  Walked into my 1st bikram yoga class not knowing what to expect. If I had known I would be sweating, panting and suffocating for 90 minutes in a class with 39 degrees heat, I might not have signed up for the class.  I was looking for meditation to calm my mind and I got more than that.

Getting critical of myself recently with voices in my head telling me that I'm not making progress even though I've been doing yoga for a year.  I compare myself to the ladies next to me in class and they look slimmer and fitter than me.  My tummy is visibly flabby after 2 kids and my youngest is already eight years old! I still can't do all the postures in perfection. There are days I can't even manage the basic ones.

Then I realize I am falling into the trap of expecting instant gratification.  Many of the yogis have been doing yoga for years and many come almost daily whereas I can only manage the weekend classes.  Although I've not lost weight, I feel healthier. I have better postures; fewer backaches and shoulder aches.  I sleep better and I learn to breathe better.  I used to have shorter breaths and tend to hold my breath when I am stressed out.  Now I am more conscious of my breaths and I am more aware of how my body reacts to stressful situations.  I wake up more refreshed after sleeping through the night like a baby.

Somethings changed inside me since I started yoga.  I suppose as I learn to let go in class, I am learning to let go in life.  As I learn to relax in class with each postures, I am learning to relax in life.  As I learn to focus in class, I am learning to stay more focused in every moment of life.  I learn to accept that although I don't have the perfect posture, as long I give my best effort, I deserve to pat myself on the back.  In life, I learn to be kind and forgiving to myself.

Next time in class, I will smile at myself in the mirror and tell myself that it all takes time.

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